No Joy this year

Updated: Dec 28, 2021


I wonder if I will ever find Joy in the holidays again? Knowing we will be losing mom soon, my heart is shattered. I'm angry, sad, wish I could do more.... All I wanted for Christmas this is for my mom to be back to her old self and i know that will never happen. I found my build a bear she made for me years ago and it has her voice recorded, that was bitter sweat to hear. In all honesty I forgot what her voice sounded like. It's been a couple years since she has been able to truly carry a conversation, now she barely communicates maybe a word or two. I will cherish this bear for the rest of my life💜


This year cause Dad and I were supposed to go away for the holidays until last week. We decided not to even decorate and to be frank I haven't been in the Christmas Spirit. It honestly doesn't feel like Christmas, I can't believe how quickly the holidays have snuck up. Knowing when we canceled our holiday, there was no spark to decorate the house....


Christmas movies, music and decorating the house with all the Santa's, and beautiful decor. I used to get so excited and couldn't wait to decorate!! The tree used to be my all time favourite!! Last year I had so much fun cause my sweet little nieces helped Auntie decorate and they were so excited for Santa to come!!! This year even before our trip was canceled I had absolutely no interest in decorating the house. Not to mention my mom loved Christmas. It was her favourite now she has no idea what's going on, its hard sooooooo hard..... I can't believe we are losing her much much quicker than I ever wanted or thought.



I'll leave it there for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and holiday season!!!


Merry Christmas




XOXO Erin

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