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Chronic pain and illness I know a thing or two about that

Part 2

On to chronic pain

Thank you multiple car accidents I truly love being in pain on a daily basis...... NOT. I have been rear ended 4 times within 10 years, I was side swiped on my drivers side twice as well. The first two accidents gave me whiplash and I've lived in pain from that day on in 2008.

Going to the chiropractor, massage, exercise, stretching, etc, nothing would really take the pain away. I for the most part learned to live with it and made sure I continued my treatments to keep the pain lower so i'm not stuck in bed yes I have those days where resting is the only thing I can focus on. The 2017 accident from the force of the pick up truck and the fact I already had back and neck pain made it so much worse. I started my treatments more frequently and ended up this time with a bulged slipped disc in my low back and one in my neck , the pain on same days was horrible. I also ended up starting yoga and physio around August/ September 2017 if you read my trauma blog you'll understand why I didn't go to physio right away.

I have to tell you Yoga was a second form of therapy for me my instructor she was so lovely and amazing. We catered my yoga practice to how I was feeling if I wasn't as sore we did a little more, if I was more sore we took it very easy. During this time my left foot was also causing a lot of problems to the point I needed CT scans, bone scans, I had a few CT's, MRI's, X-rays which let me tell you the MRI machine is terrifying loud noise is a huge trigger for me! Nothing really showed up for my foot however by the fall of 2017 I was no longer able to wear shoes I wore slippers all fall and winter and with the rain we get in BC it wasn't fun. My foot was swollen and in lots of pain, bring on 2018 and I was walking on the treadmill at home and my foot just shot pain, so I stooped walking and took my shoe off my foot was so swollen turns out I had a small hair line fracture and was in a boot for 4 weeks that was not fun as it rains a lot here so my foot would get wet. March 2018 I was in another accident the guy rear ended me and ended up against my door I couldn't get out lucky my gf was with me and was able to deal with the situation as I kept saying did that just happen?

As 2018 goes on I ended up with carpal tunnel in both hands so bad the

specialist said of I was 55 or older he would have scheduled that appointment right then and there for surgery, I was told to try wrist guards that wasn't working so I got sent to another doctor and surgery was booked!

(my hands were so bad first thing in the morning I couldn't even grip my hair brush, and id be woken up in the middle of the night in so much pain I couldn't sleep)

Surgery time.... now I'm someone with sever anxiety, a fear of hospitals and they don't like to put you out for this surgery oh and I have mild sleep apnea. I was able to finally get the doctors to agree cause they saw how anxious I was getting. first surgery went off pretty well not much pain, and physio did wonders on helping me get use of my hand back and no sensation problems with the scare, the second surgery was a few months down the road and that was painful I had to have something when I woke up and I remember them pulling the tube out that was terrifying hope to never hear. or experience that one again, recovery was a little worse the second time but I have to say to this day it was by far the best thing I went through cause no more numbness and tingling and I can grip my hair brush no problem. This surgery was 100% one of the best decisions I ever made!!

Now I said I'm in pain constant and it is very true, going back a few years all the way to 2014. I was having extreme groin pain on both left and right sides, my doctor sent me for a ultrasound and found out I had double hernias, that was a massive shock to me and for them being as small as they were they were extremely painful.

I had started a program for a legal admin program which I was super excited about I love Law, I've always found it so interesting and couldn't wait to finally start a career I was going to love. However due to extreme pain from my hernias I had to postpone my program and take care of my health first and foremost. Finally saw a surgeon and even though my hernias were small I had a date for surgery. So basically I was living on the couch or in bed in crazy pain and having narcotics for when I couldn't handle the pain, I waited till the very last second to take them, I used a heating pad as well that became y best friend.

Come January 25th, 2015 surgery day..... I was terrified not only do I hate hospitals I had only ever been under for my wisdom teeth and I didn't really consider that surgery. I had no idea what to expect for recovery. Man on man was recovery hard!! I could barely walk for at least a week. I did have to go to emerge one night shortly after my surgery as I felt like my crotch was on fire, when I saw the triage nurse she asked me if I had a c section ( I guess I was walking like I did lol) I replied I wish at least you get a baby out of it!! The doctor checked my incisions to make sure there was no infection and told me I could double my pain meds if needed and yes that is exactly what I did, they knocked me out for a good amount of time so at least I could get some rest!

I was in so much pain from being cut open sitting on the toilet was painful, it was about a week before I really could get up and walk around, I did get waited on for all my needs that was kinda nice. In the end it took me a full 7 weeks to recover where I wasn't in any pain. During recovery I went to sunshine for 2 weeks, enjoyed having my best friend and another good friend visit with me down in Palm Desert!! We went to Disneyland and shopped till I dropped all leading up to finally going back to school and starting my program all over again!

My lower abdominal/ groin pain seemed to finally be gone I was finally feeling like it was the end of that pain journey!! To be honest I was so happy to be with the girls in this group for c school they were way better than the previous class also I had a different instructor and she was a lot better or so I thought. Here comes roughly 5 months post surgery and I had extreme pain again in my groin area. All I could think was F***. My surgeon said everything looked good and then sent me to a lady doctor cause he was thinking my pain was now coming from lady section. I had ultrasounds and some other testing and they couldn't figure it out my periods were also extremely heavy when I say heavy I remember one day at school I bled through and I told my teacher I needed to leave for the day and she gave me so much crap, I just didn't understand how a human let alone woman could act that way, I remember having a private conversation with her and she was like no employer will put up with this you come to class this day and have to leave because of a period. She then went on to say how she once was haemorrhaging at work and stayed till the end of her shift. Im sorry no one would make you sit at your desk well your bleeding uncontrollably. I didn't feel bad for going home to shower and change. Finishing school finally and being out of that horrible teachers life I ended up having my second surgery it was thrown at me so quickly I basically saw my doctor and he was like meet me at the hospital a few hours after seeing him, that got bumped till the following day. I was able to prepare a little more terrified again but hopeful the laparoscopy would give some answers. Nothing came out of the surgery I guess that was a good thing? I also spent my first over night visit in the hospital not fun and the food was nasty I didn't eat any of it. I remember lunch the next day was butterscotch pudding, cod nuggets, and peas, I opened it up and pushed it away, it was taken out of my room almost as quickly as it got brought to me.

Still 6 years later I am dealing with the groin pain it comes and goes but when it comes back full force I am out of commission for days and stuck in bed, the pain can be unbearable. I avoid going to emergency by having a few narcotics on hand so I can pass out and hope the pain leaves in my bed instead of having to go into emerge and waiting hrs. Well and covid no one wants to leave the house now anyway.

Chronic pain is no joke it take a lot out of you mentally and physically, you have to plan your days a little differently, plan appointments sometimes they get canceled last minute. You invest in not only therapies and things to help with pain like heating pads, heated blanket, different pillows, I have 3 different pregnancy pillows and I've never been pregnant. You have a huge water bottle beside you so you don't have to walk down the stairs, I have a little care package beside my bed, lotion, chapstick my water bottle, blankets, lots of pillows to hopefully keep me comfortable. Theres been many naps, many sleepless nights, to many doctors appointments and they still can't figure this out. I've had steroid injections that were nothing but painful and did nothing for me, even a topical lotion which was shit it didn't do anything and it was expensive talking like $100 for a tiny jar. I have learned to live my life in pain some days are worse and those days I stay in bed, and on the good days I am able to do a little more. The worst thing is I haven't been able to work in years because of this, and often I feel like a failure. I'm 35 living with my dad for more reasons then one, a lot has to do with not working and then to keep him company as mom is now in a care home.

I honestly can't tell you the last time I was pain free, or feeling fantastic, even on a "good" day I'm still having pain just not to the point I can't function a little bit . I take it day by day and try not to be to hard on myself for the days I need to lay down and rest. I would do anything to not be in pain and able to have a "normal" life and yes go back to work. I know my chronic pain is no where as bad as some people I have seen on instagram or heard stories on YouTube. However this is my life and my story, my experience.


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