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2021 What a year

As I reflect back on 2021 its had some highs and a lot of lows. The first low was spending News Years Day evening in emergency due to a brutal migraine. Most days I find myself surviving trying to push through. A lot of days were spent in bed sleeping from just pure exhaustion. One of the happiest days this year happened way back in January, finally after 6 months of not being able to see my mom in person I was able to visit with her. She is in a care home so only my dad was able to see her once a week in person, you were NOT supposed to hug or touch the residents, however after six months I dam well gave my mom the biggest hug, bawled like a baby and she held my hand the whole time, there was no way in HELL I was saying no to her.

I also hit 35 years on this earth this year that is a scary number lol so much closer to 40 ahhhhhhhh... Did my usual boudoir birthday shot which is a present to myself for the last couple years, followed by 2 more shoots this year, I loved each and everyone so much, the best times ever are doing those shoots!!

Spent lots of time with my 2 favourite little people, lots of sleepovers, snuggles still, laughs, swimming in the pool. The backyard was finally completed this year. It feels like i'm living at a resort now that was a huge positive this year.

However like 2020 dad and I have kept our bubble extremely small, cause of mom we couldn't imagine by accident bringing covid into her home. Two covid vaccines and the second one I thought I was going to die I had never experienced that kind of body pain before, just moving my arms it hurt, I was in bed for 4 days cause of that and didn't feel good for about 2 weeks after.

Things were pretty routine for me this year, I had the girls each week and visited with mom once a week cause even though the visits were allowed you had to schedule a time to see her and it was only supposed to be for an hour at a time, then it was finally lifted to come as much as you wanted. Dad and I kept up with every Saturday as mom didn't know us anymore, we didn't want to interrupt her days. We both knew she was very settled in, I would go extra days during the week I was feeling ok and just enjoy my alone time with mom. With the sunshine and warmer weather sometimes way to hot we would enjoy a stroll along the village pathways and get mom some fresh air, and vitamin D!

Come down to fall time things are still about the same i'm resting lots trying to push through some days as best as I can. Did a special photoshoot with my nieces and dad, those pictures are super special. Dad and I had a new tradition for thanksgiving we went out to The Keg hello lobster and prime rib!!! I celebrated halloween with a scavenger hunt for my nieces and nephews they had a blast!!! Then come November and everything changed we had the worst rain in the history of BC with massive flooding, I couldn't see my nieces and then found out they were going to full time daycare anyways so I wouldn't get to see them really anymore, that was hard for me. I miss them everyday and will cherish our 4 years we've spent together so much!! I have so many memories and pictures that I will hold near and dear to my heart💕.

Dad and I finally after 2 years of no travel made plans to go away for Christmas as it would just be the two of us and I was so excited to get back into my favourite place. However almost 2 weeks ago we were shocked and told mom doesn't have much more time 1-3 weeks....... You try and let that sink in, it's hard, it's shocking , you feel numb and all other emotions all at once. So you cancel your entire life, come and spend the rest of moms days with her. Holding her hand, telling her how much you love her, sometimes you get a squeeze from here most of the time not.

As the year is coming to a close, I am where I'm supposed to be right now beside mom holding her hand when she wants to and telling her how much we love her. Maybe one day I will find joy in things again especially during the holidays! Mom is slowly leaving us more and more as the days go by. I can't imagine being anywhere else right now then by her side.

There is always a storm before the rainbow this is my huge storm. I am hoping the rainbow brings some happy next year even with what I am going through. I hope covid slows down or we have a better grasp on it and can get to a new fun kinda normal.


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